Monthly Archives: January 2012

Anger Management

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Yesterday I was sitting in Starbucks with my beverage of choice (grande cappuccino, nothing added) and getting some work done. If you don’t know by now, many Starbucks locations offer free AT&T Wi-Fi. To find one near you, use the store locator and check “Wi-Fi.”

Anyway, this man walked into the Starbucks and was screaming on his cell phone. He then started screaming a completely incomprehensible order at the woman behind the counter…might I add that he was screaming back and forth between the person on the phone and the woman behind the counter…as an observer, it was really difficult to understand what he was ordering. Now, let’s be clear about my understanding of Starbucks lingo. I just learned the meaning of half-caff (forever mishearing it and honestly thinking people were ordering half-calf…in my mind I decided it had something to do with fancy cream…) So, I don’t claim to be coffee know-it-all, but his order really was mumbling rubbish. The woman handled the situation well and then obviously placed the order for whatever it was that she thought he said. Just a minute later, he got his drink, went to add sugar and suddenly came stomping back to the register…this time, screaming even louder (and still on the phone)! “This is NOT what I ordered.” She was calm, collected and polite – he continued to scream. A barista popped over to try to help and after much confusion and continuous yelling from the customer, they figured out that he wanted a hazelnut latte…definitely not what he ordered the first time. Eventually he got his hazelnut latte, left the store, and I got back to work and silently singing along to one of those excellent music compilations that Starbucks puts together so well.

I tell this story because it brings light to the importance of being nice to EVERYONE. Treating others with courtesy is a basic and fundamental concept that you should put into practice for no other reason than to simply make the world a better place.

But, if that isn’t enough for you…I’ll give you a strategic and calculated reason to do it. You should do it because you never know who that person is or who that person knows or how that person could impact your life.

I learned this lesson once when I was running late to get to a meeting with a potential client. Finally arriving in the parking lot, the person in front of me was taking fooooooreeeeeever to park and I couldn’t get to a spot because of it. I couldn’t take it. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeep. I was annoyed and frustrated and late! While I’m definitely not a person with road rage – most days you’ll find me cruising along at the speed limit in the right lane in my hybrid – this day, the person just got to me. Hurry up! Finally I parked and rushed inside. Well, to my absolute and complete horror the person who was slowly taking his time in the parking lot…was the potential client! Mortified, I simply ignored the incident. I should have apologized, but felt like such a fool for being that person…angry and thinking she has a more important life than everyone else in the universe.

Ultimately, the meeting ended up going fairly well, and I consider myself lucky. Lesson learned without too much damage done. Now I just leave early so I don’t have to worry about the slow person in the parking lot. Problem solved, safer driving and on time arrival…not bad.

Matters of Fashion

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You may not care about fashion, but you cannot get through a professional career without acknowledging its impact on your success. Following a dress code, however informal or formal, is a key to making a great first impression.

This weekend I had the opportunity to attend a white tie gala with a colleague. While it is fairly simple for the ladies to prepare (a long gown is a must), white tie seems to cause a bit more confusion for men. If you’re unsure of what to wear at a white tie event, check out these tips from Listverse. Though some men wore suits fitting for a Tuesday afternoon at the office (gasp), the majority looked fantastic and appropriately dressed in white tie and tails. That being said, most skipped the top hat. I know for certain, though, that at least one guest came in a top hat…because he kept it on the entire evening. Men – if you’re going to wear a top hat to a white tie event, check it at the door.

While the top hat caused a few stares, two ladies also drew quite a bit of attention to themselves. We were fortunate to be invited to a private cocktail reception at Tiffany’s before the official festivities began. Still sipping my first glass of champagne, the gossip began to fly. To my right, a beautiful woman wearing a silver, floor-length, sequin gown. To my left, a different, beautiful woman wearing the same, silver, floor-length, sequin gown! Had we been in Hollywood, perhaps the two would have shown up on tonight’s episode Fashion Police for the famous and unforgettably named segment…

The incident was made worse by the two clearly avoiding one another. How did they think anyone could miss it? Yet, each just pretended like the other didn’t exist. Ladies, if this ever happens to you, please walk up to the other woman and tell her that she’s wearing it better, that she has fabulous taste and that great minds think alike. Take a photo. Laugh about it. You’ll show your style, class and confidence if you just acknowledge the obvious.

In the words of Coco Chanel, “Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress.”

Can I Call Out Sick for iPad Shoulder?

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If you didn’t hear the news, a recent Harvard study has confirmed that iPad shoulder is real. What is iPad shoulder? Think tennis elbow. The study’s lead investigator, Jack Dennerlein, PhD summed it up by saying that “the problem is getting stuck in these awkward postures for a long period of time.”

While I’ve yet to give myself iPad shoulder, I’m certain I’ve given myself MacBook neck. I manage to sit at my desk for hours, leaning on my right elbow until I suddenly feel this shooting pain in the right side of my neck and realize I can barely move.

One of the biggest problems with technology, is it gives us a reason to limit our mobility tremendously. We email the person in the office next door. We pick up the phone to call the person down the hall.

I bring this up to recognize the importance of keeping activity in our lives, and its ability to impact our performance at work. Go ahead and Google exercise increases productivity at work – you’ll get over 8 million hits. I don’t think there is really much debate.

When we fly, most airlines encourage passengers to do some in-flight exercises. (See United’s official recommendations here.) Yet, we’ll regularly sit at our desk for 8 hours a day without much movement, and then go home to sit and watch the Facebook news feed pass by.

If you think that exercise is boring, know that there are plenty of types to try. I have always been a fitness serial dater. At one time or another, I’ve been obsessed with step classes, Tae Bo, pilates on a mat, pilates on a reformer, running, power walking, hiking, spinning, vinyassa yoga, hot yoga and my newest fitness love affair – Fusion cross-training. The most memorable break-up came with Tae Bo. As I was doing one of these (see Billy go!), I actually punched myself in the face… NEXT!

Ultimately, I think we focus more at work and feel better about ourselves when we exercise or keep movement in our lives. Maybe just taking a long walk around the office at lunchtime. Maybe getting up to stretch every hour. Maybe starting an office fitness contest. Whatever works for you, your level of fitness and your current health status. Just do some soul searching and be honest with yourself. If you are not making time for your health and well being, I feel confident in the fact that your work is suffering.*

*I’m not a doctor. Please consult with your doctor or healthcare provider before beginning any fitness routine.

Don’t Take Interview Advice from Mario Lopez

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OK, I’ll be honest. I did not see this live…but when I saw the photo bouncing around the internet, I obviously got a little…distracted… (sorry hubby)  

Quick Internet Search… Found it!

So, if you clicked the link, what did you learn? You can get Mario Lopez half naked in under a minute…without much convincing, I might add.

Now, obviously, this is not the exact setting you would be in when interviewing for a job. But it brings up an interesting concept – doing outrageous things to leave a lasting impression on the interviewer.

I have heard some crazy stories. How about a guy who couldn’t get an interview, so he showed up at the office with pizzas from Dominos and his resume taped to every box? I know him…and he didn’t get the job. And let’s be honest – if the pink, perfume scented resume that Elle Woods carried around in Legally Blonde was such a hit in real life, mine would be printed on green paper and drenched in Clinique Happy…but it’s not.

When it comes to the interview, I am a wow-them-with-your-style-experience-and-confidence kind of person…not a shock-them-with-your-weirdness-and-intrusive-nature kind of person. I’m sure there are those of you with examples of getting the job through creative and unique ways. I just warn you to walk the line carefully, so you don’t go from being unique and unforgettable to the laughing stock of the company.

Two last pieces of advice:
1. Consider the job itself and what the requirements of the position are. If you need to be over the top, gutsy and funny in the day to day responsibilities of the job – by all means, go with something wild.

2. Whenever you take great risks, you have the opportunity for great reward. Just realize you also have the opportunity for great failure. If you are truly comfortable with either outcome…bring on the pizza boxes! (Just don’t strip a la Lopez…that is never OK).

Kim Kardashian & Goal Setting

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I just finished the current issue of Success Magazine. I was completely surprised to find Kim Kardashian on the cover.


Not because I don’t think she is successful, but because she is the type of person who seems to be dismissed by the traditional circles of coaches, mentors and gurus. And why do so many dismiss Kim K? I think Barbara Walters summed it up quite well when she was interviewing the Kardashians for her 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011 with the following remark to Kim – “You don’t really act; you don’t sing; you don’t dance. You don’t have any — forgive me — any talent!”

So if that’s the case, why would Success Magazine feature Kim K? Because she is a marketing genius and incredibly successful. She has turned a disastrous mistake from her past into a future of endless, million dollar possibilities. And for that, I believe, many of the traditional coaches, mentors and gurus hate her. She doesn’t have a PhD or 30 years of industry experience; she didn’t grow up homeless or overcome great illness. Instead, she has managed to become “famous for nothing.”

Oh, and look behind her…there’s Snooki eating pickles and pistachios as she tans herself on a bed of dollar bills…

Sorry – back to Kim K! While she may have become “famous for nothing,” let’s make it clear that she did not become famous without work, strategy and determination. In the magazine I learned that she sits down with her mother every 6 months to write out her goals. They also write one goal they think is a stretch. They discuss how to accomplish these goals and build a plan. Pretty basic, right?

A few years ago one of Kim’s stretch goals was to have her own line of perfume…well, today you can pick up 3.4 oz. of Kim Kardashian Gold for $65 at Macy’s.

Kim K did not become successful by accident. As I say in my speeches, “no one just chances upon success.” She made it happen. And while you might not want to be famous or successful for the reasons Kim K is, you can’t deny that she can remind us all a little something about the importance of building a plan for the future, dreaming of the impossible and wearing lipstick every step of the way!

To Comma or Not to Comma

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I have recently seen this image pop up all over on facebook.

I have always been under the impression that using the Oxford comma (also known as the Harvard comma or the Serial Comma) is a style choice, not a fast and hard rule. I flipped through my copy of The Grammar Devotional: Daily Tips for Successfully Writing from Grammar Girl, to confirm. There, right on page 107, The Grammar Girl agrees that it is simply a matter of preference. It feels good to be right!

Seriously though, I don’t claim to be a grammar guru – I have Grammar Girl for that. In fact, I think I often overuse/misuse the comma, but I do take pride in my efforts to at least attempt to get it right. And you should too!

So, first subscribe to Ronica Speaks. Then, subscribe to Grammar Girl (http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/). In my opinion, a pretty good combination of how to communicate effectively and correctly.

Let me tell you…

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Recently, I met with someone who, within just a few minutes of conversation, started telling me what to do with my life and the next steps I should take. He immediately decided I wasn’t aggressive enough and wasn’t making good decisions for my future. What he failed to realize was, I’m not the type of person to wear my accomplishments on my sleeve. I’m not interested in meeting you and telling you how great I am in the first 5 minutes. He, on the other hand, was. And in that time, he decided that I needed his advice and guidance. I was immediately uncomfortable, defensive and eager to end the conversation.

The greatest lesson I have learned when consulting is to never offer your advice, guidance or feedback unless it is requested. No matter how much it is needed, a person will shut down and value your feedback less if you just offer it.

And even when it is requested, don’t just dive into the negative and focus on everything that is wrong.

I have lost potential clients by offering feedback too quickly and aggressively before it was requested, and I have lost paying clients by diving into the negative too forcefully and ignoring the positive all together. While people seek coaching because they know they need to improve, most also look to you for support and guidance. I strongly believe that my clients are not only better communicators after working with me, but also more confident. That doesn’t come from destroying a person’s self worth and telling them how great I am. They should eventually see how “great” I am by working with me, learning from me and seeing value in my advice. If I have to shove all of my accomplishments down your throat, I’m probably overcompensating.

Look, I know that Abby from Dance Moms would disagree with me. Look at her telling me I’m pathetic and wrong…

But who wants to make little girls cry? We can motivate through fear and criticism…or we can motivate by example and positive reinforcement. I certainly know I would rather work with someone following the standards of the latter…so I’m definitely going to coach like that as well.